let's see... since i last updated which was over a year ago...
p. and i started dating. he ended up staying in korea cuz of me. it's really super sweet. a lil over a year, and we're still together. we've definitely had our ups and downs, but he's definitely worth it. i'm still dealing with some issues of girls constantly staring at him. who would've thought this would bother me...but it does. i don't recall ever being the jealous type, but i guess first time for everything. i can't wait to go back to a place where a white person is just another white person and not something super special. don't get me wrong. i think my boyfriend the most handsomest guy in the world, but it's because i'm biased. when i was single, i wouldn't constantly stare at a hot guy who was obviously taken. that's just so not cool. i'd just be disrepecting the girlfriend/fiancee/wife and embarassing myself. but...the girls out here, don't give a damn if i'm sitting next to him. i could be sitting right on his lap, and they would just stare. i just wanna go to a place where i feel like it's "normal". so needless to say, i'm so excited to be gettin' the hell outta dodge! woo hoo! p. will be coming back home with me for a bit then we'll be doing the long distance thing for a while. this is definitely the thing that i'm not looking forward to, but the only thing that makes me happy is the fact that he's pretty optimistic about it all. i mean, if he feels confident in us to take this all a day at a time, i should, too, right? RIGHT?! i kno...i kno... "Don't EVER do long distance. It never works out", but still....why not just be like water and go with the flow...take it moment by moment. I mean that's all we can ever do, and plus, we'll be seeing each other every few months till it's all over. (The reason we're doing the long distance thing is because I'll be going back to school while he goes back home and works) Once it's all over, we're planning on moving to the Down Under and working there. I know it sounds crazy, but it's something we're both really looking forward to.
so anyway...enough with the updates. my life is pretty mundane.
now...deep thoughts by jack handy
it's weird because i had to open up another blog account besides the one i have on xanga so i could easily get out my frustrations without restraints. it's a pretty refreshing feeling. i recommend all of you open up a secret account somewhere and not tell anyone about it. you could put all your joys, sorrows, anger, etc., up on the web and just vent or brag or whatever the hell you want to do. i, like most people, don't like to show all my cards to people (you know...the crazy wtf sh*t you're psycho) because sometimes even the dearest ones to you may think you absolutely lost it when in actuality it's ok to lose it. i've got facebook and twitter, but everyone i'm connected to through these social networks know who i am, and yet this other secret blog is probably the only thing i've ever ever ever kept secret to myself. i've told one of my friends about it, but i'll never tell her what it is because it's more of my therapy. i'll bitch and moan about the things i know will make me sound crazy to people who know me or "know" me. (sorry i keep putting everyting in *air quotes*) i probably don't even make sense right now. i'm delirious from last night's romp at the local watering hole -- which i was sooooo paying for through today -- and it's almost 230 in the am. honestly, i just wanted to update my xanga. don't know why. just did. *shrug* now i've bored you to death, and i deeply apologize for that. like i've said...my life is pretty mundane to others (even though i do love my life), but long gone are the days where drinking and smoking were temporary reliefs for insanity (yes, yes...i used to smoke. but if you ever smoked in your life, you know it's like being an alcoholic. it's still hard to fight the urge sometimes. kids, don't ever smoke. it's the stupidest thing i've ever done) now...back from our psa...where was i? ah, yes. back to sounding like a complete moron. anyway, music and writing are the two things that always help me relieve stress. and even if you think i might not stress at all, i'm probably one of the biggest worry warts when it comes to my own life. i've been told that i tend to overthink things which is funny because i don't think i do, but i'll take their word for it.
ok...well, i haven't fed my fish in two days so im going to go sleep (so i can buy him more food tomorrow in the morning. i'm not evil. sheesh. i just ran out of food)
ugh.
sorry you just lost 10 minutes out of your day that you will never get back just for reading this truly strange, even by my standards, blaaaaaahg. (*insert homer simpson drooling*)
so last week the guy from oz goes back home for the week, and yesterday i get a text from my friend, jeremy, saying that he has a surprise for me, and to meet him at our usual hangout by 1130. i didn't get the text till 1142, so i text him back letting him know i just got the text, i'll be there soon, and what was the surprise. he texted back letting me know that it was waiting for me. then i thought about texting him jokingly saying, "what...is it p.?" (just to give a lil background... i met p. the week before he was moving to oz. we clicked. it was great, but it was short, and obviously nothing came from it. it was really similar to the story from the summer, and this kind of stuff never happens to me, and for it to happen twice in my life... and in one year at that... that's just weird). anyway, i just thought to myself how ironic it would be IF the week that d. (boy from oz) went home p. came here, but p. wasn't coming back to korea, so that would never happen.
anyway, i go, and i see the bouncer who's only there on saturdays (and who i always look forward to seeing and flirt with via texts-- yes, i know, i know i'm becoming somewhat of a player, but i'm single, so who cares), say hi to the bouncer, and this guy right next to him waves at me. it took me a while to process, but...it was p. thing is, i didn't really wanna go out last night. i just went out because my friend got out of the army for a few days, so i wanted to hang out with him. well, p. and i caught up with each other, talked about what was going on in oz, what was going on in korea and drank. i just thought to myself, well, ok, this isn't so bad, he'll probably be here for a week, i can handle this because d. won't be back for a while, and besides, it's not like.d.'s not seeing other people...i think...but we're not exclusive, so it doesn't matter. turns out that p.'s going to be here for two weeks at least. this could get a lil messy because p.'s only going to be here for a very short time, and d.'s going to be leaving soon for a business trip to dubai and qatar. oh, to top it off, this month is such a crappy time for this all to happen. my mom's coming out this week to visit for an undisclosed amount of time. chinese new year is this week so i have three days off from work. who do i spend my free time with? my friend, evan, is moving out here this week. my friend, stef, is moving back to nyc the day after ev gets to korea. my friend, steven, is moving out here next week. one who's a really close friend, and the other's just a big flirt. valentine's day is next week. who do i spend that with? my birthday's following shortly thereafter. who do i invite out for my birthday? this is probably the craziest my life's been in a long time. i feel like if i'm not careful, there could be a lot of drama, and i really don't want drama. i think i'm just going to spend all my free time with my roommates or with my other gay friends. or maybe i'll just say i will. is this how my (chinese) new year is supposed to start? i hope this isn't an indicator of how things are going to be for the rest of the year. well...then again...my life could use a lil excitement as i turn my dirty 30. ;)
it's really super sweet. a lil over a year, and we're still together. we've definitely had our ups and downs, but he's definitely worth it. i'm still dealing with some issues of girls constantly staring at him. who would've thought this would bother me...but it does. i don't recall ever being the jealous type, but i guess first time for everything. i can't wait to go back to a place where a white person is just another white person and not something super special. don't get me wrong. i think my boyfriend the most handsomest guy in the world, but it's because i'm biased. when i was single, i wouldn't constantly stare at a hot guy who was obviously taken. that's just so not cool. i'd just be disrepecting the girlfriend/fiancee/wife and embarassing myself. but...the girls out here, don't give a damn if i'm sitting next to him. i could be sitting right on his lap, and they would just stare. i just wanna go to a place where i feel like it's "normal". so needless to say, i'm so excited to be gettin' the hell outta dodge! woo hoo! p. will be coming back home with me for a bit then we'll be doing the long distance thing for a while. 
this is definitely the thing that i'm not looking forward to, but the only thing that makes me happy is the fact that he's pretty optimistic about it all. i mean, if he feels confident in us to take this all a day at a time, i should, too, right? RIGHT?! i kno...i kno... "Don't EVER do long distance. It never works out", but still....why not just be like water and go with the flow...take it moment by moment. I mean that's all we can ever do, and plus, we'll be seeing each other every few months till it's all over. (The reason we're doing the long distance thing is because I'll be going back to school while he goes back home and works) Once it's all over, we're planning on moving to the 
, a 
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, a 
, and a 
mood.